23. SYAITAN VS. YOU

As the day draws nearer, there will be a lot of unwelcoming setbacks. There will be times when you would just feel like giving up on the whole kahwin idea, there will also be times when you would just get so frustrated about the entire planning process and will start to have your own battle with your partner.

Breathe.

Relax.

Ni semua dugaan, and definitely godaan syatian. Of course, we all know it. Then again, of course not all of us are able to fight it off that easily. Sometimes, you will feel down. You will feel weak. You will feel as if all of your strength has been used up.

But, no. Do not give in to these negative feelings. Do not let yourself feel beaten up just because you feel that everything is not working out. As we all know, syaitan dislikes the idea of us doing anything in the name of Allah. They will try and try to persuade you to fall into the trap of maksiat and zina, and that's when they will be the happiest.

Jahat kan, dia? TSK.

On a personal level, I've had my fair share of tough times. But alhamdulillah, I have a partner who constantly reminds me to take things well. Ultimately, some people I know are telling me that they are "suffering" amidst all this wedding planning.

Well, my dear BTBs.. Here are a few reasons as to why you might not be able to kawal yourself when setbacks happen:

1. Emotions

You don't have enough control over your own emotions. The smallest, tiniest, littlest things might turn into a hugeass huge issue. I suggest you don't do that; don't make a mountain out of a molehill. Bila perkara kecil jadi besar, gaduh confrim plus chop jadi lagi besar!

And this is the time both of you will probably already fall into syaitan's trap, and dua-dua pun jadi api. Api mana boleh lawan api? See, God bless my parents who have always taught me to ambil wudhu' in order to calm myself when I'm angry. If you still feel the need to burst, ambil lagi for the second time and this time, solat sunat sekali. Kalau masih tak boleh chill.. Take yourself to the masjid. Insya Allah, that definitely works. Kalau tak jugak, dah memang ada syaitan masuk badan agaknya. Teehee.

2. Third Party

This could be in the form of another being trying their final luck with your partner, or it could also be in the form of another being who loves to pinpoint at every single thing you do!

Sebelum ada plans nak settle down, it seems like there is no one yang berani nak try to get in your way. But when you are starting to get closer and closer to the day, in the midst of all your sebokness, it seems like ada saja orang yang nak put their foot in everything you do. And because of all that, you will start to feel geram, marah, sedih, all in one luh!

Chill. Talk it out. Again, don't allow yourself to feel beaten up just because of what someone else says about you. What's important is that you and your partner are on the same page of things related to the wedding! Otherwise, there is nothing to lose if you compromise.

3. Finances

Money is the root of all evil, they say. Every wedding-related topic will be about money, money, money. Memang kalau ikut adat Melayu, to get married, you need to have money. But remember, our religion is pure. Islam bukan agama yang tamak. Biar kita tak ikut adat Melayu, asalkan kita ikut sunnah Rasulullah.

Chehhhhhdeyyyybahhhhh. Hurhur.

But really, don't let money get in the way of anything. Islam sendiri mengatakan bahawa kalau nak kaya, nikah lah. If really really really no money, there is always a solution! In surah An-Nur, ayat 33, Allah memesan: Tetapi jika tidak mampu bernikah, puasa itu adalah sebaik-baik pilihan.

Dengar tu, wahai kengkawanz kuz. :)

4. Uncertainty

Suddenly, you're not exactly sure what in the world you're doing. Suddenly, you're not exactly sure why in the world you're in this. Suddenly, you're not exactly sure if you really wanna get married after all. These kinda feelings usually appear right after a huge argument which makes you wanna kill your partner sometimes.

Take a step back and think about it carefully. Lay out the positive points against the negative ones, and I'm sure you'll see that you were positive about a whole lot of things and that is why you are where you are in the first place. If it hadn't been for a whole lot of good things that you loved about your partner and the relationship, marriage wouldn't have crossed your mind.. Not even for a second.

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Basically luh kan, everything above is all godaan syaitan so that kita will not dekatkan jalan ibadah kita kepada Allah - which is marriage, basically. They will hasut and goda you like nobody's business, and make you fall into maksiat.

Prepare yourself physically and mentally, and the key is to always be positive about things. If either one between you and your partner falls, guide them to where they will feel strongest. A woman (usually) has to be the one who is more capable of giving dorongan and sokongan to her man, in order to achieve what is best for the both of you.

In any relationship, the woman usually acts as a backbone for the man to gain the sufficient amount of strength for anything at all. Jangan suka mengungkit, and jangan suka sangat menyindir kelemahan dia.

Macam dekni, pat bawah ni! HAHAHA.

In any case you feel lost and/or unsure, turn to Allah - Dia lah tempat kita mengadu dan Dia tempat kita minta perlindungan. Ask for enough strength and patience to overcome any obstacles He puts you through life. In any case you are given a difficult task, always remember that He will never put you to something without pulling you through it. The thing we often forget is that there is always Him.

I'm super sorry for nagging too much, but I needed some self-assurance myself. Most of us do, right?

I hope this helped some of you regained, if not all, some of your strength to get back up on your feet. Sujud, and ask.

Allah suka bila hambaNya meminta. :)